Sunday, September 25, 2005

I can't do this

Ever have that feeling. Like you just need the world to stop for a second so that you can catch your breath, or clear your head?

There's just some true irony when people of ministry are so burdened by questions, doubts and insecurities. Why? Well because normally we're suppose to be the answer people. Anyone that is struggling with decisions, situations, marraiges, family - they come to us, looking for guidance, for help and well, an answer.

As if we have it all figured out. And maybe we have it figured out a bit more than some - but I'm sure it's still a lot less than most.

Am I making sense? For instance, a woman approaches us asking to talk regarding working out what's best for her family - location, church, family situation. Funny thing is, what she vocalizes isn't too far from what we're dealing with ourselves - no one knows this of course, we are in ministry and thus masters of the art of keeping things to ourselve and keeping up a cool and calm exterior - okay usually - but eerily, we're confronted with the same uncertainties, the same worries.

Difference? We can give her some sound advice. As we discuss and we see her leaning toward her answer, we both agree it would be the best one for her to make. So why can't we apply the answer to ourselves? And really it does apply.

I don't know. Plain and simple. I don't know.

I do know, I can't do this much longer. I really can't. I can so relate to Josue's recent post. The guilt, the embarrassment, and just not understanding why we can't get past this is disturbing. But apparently we're not alone.

And if you're wondering, when I say "I can't do this" - yes, the voice in my head responds: "But I (as in HE, the ONE) can."

I'm sure that's the point. But notice how nothing's been resolved here? Yeah, that has to be the point. I can't do this - alone.

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