Keep your heart slow

"Don't react. Instead respond out of wisdom, grace and love."  -M. Feinberg

Call it the mama-bear in me, but I certainly am one to react.  Over the years, I have learned to keep my initial rolling reactions beneath the surface.  Mostly.  Ok, perhaps only sometimes.

But I certainly know that those reactions usually come from an emotional place.  And usually that place is a tangled web of incoherent sporatic experiences, memories or unresolved thoughts.  My brain's effort to problem solve, to self preserve  or make sense out of the senseless.

In my humanity, I am apt to get it wrong.

More often than not, my secondary reaction is much more reasonable, rational, maybe even wise.

I am loving the new song by Mumford in Sons.  To me it epitomizes the exact process my mind goes through. The racing tempo of the chorus representing the frantic, hurried pace at which I tend to respond.  The verses the slow, wise revelations.

If I can hold back the surge, my fleshly impulse to react, then my mind can step out of its mental race and my thoughts can reduce their pace.  No longer breathlessly sprinting to a destination, I am free to stroll through garden's of wisdom, grace and love.

In God's garden of prayer, scripture and wise counsel, the answers are never wrong.  The answers are gifts of peace and reassurance.

That's not to say that the pressure behind the damn grows quiet.  The surge still threatens to erupt.  Even when I've resolved that I need to wait.  In the waiting there are moments when your mind's voice becomes a little frantic. Fearful.  The pressure from the surge mounts.

I will wait.  I WILL wait.

Ah the waiting is never a passive process, usually requiring monumental efforts of strength and will to pass through.

When in fear or anxiety your heart is pounding so hard that it deafens you.  Stop. Don't react. Breath.  And as your heart slows, and the world quiets down, that is where you'll hear God's voice rise up in answer to your situation.

Keep your hearts slow my friends.




So I'll be bold
As well as strong
And use my head alongside my heart
So tame my flesh
And fix my eyes
That tethered mind free from the lies

But I'll kneel down
Wait for now
I'll kneel down
Know my ground

Raise my hands
Paint my spirit gold
And bow my head
Keep my heart slow

In the Lean

photo source: http://compellingparade.com/

I use to think leaning was just another way of saying you were skewed, damaged, or impaired.  Leaning only happened if you couldn't handle life on your own.  Like the leaning tower of Pisa, if you were constantly leaning there must have been some fundamental problem in your foundation, a weakness or design flaw.

Not true.

Leaning defined is to have a natural inclination or tendency toward someone or something. Leaning on friends and family, leaning on wise counsel, leaning into the presence of God and His Word.   I've realized that leaning doesn't mean I'm weak.  Leaning makes me stronger. 

When I lean I don't bear the burden of trying to hold myself upright against the winds of daily life.  Work, family, exercise, church, relationships - they all come at me full force each day.  I can struggle against the weight of them all, and in the process lose all the joy that these people and activities bless me with.  Or I can lean back and recline into Him who sustains me. 

All these things I can support, when He bears the weight of it all.

I love living in the lean.   In the lean I can press in, listen to his voice and rest in his presence.

All that I do is possible, only because I live in the lean.

Show me the Way

You know my very soul.
The tangles of my inner workings,
every piece of me.

What I would see as knot and stain,
fault or irregularity,
You see as uniqueness and potential,
a diamond in the rough.

My God is the everlasting optimist,
the hope where there is no hope,
the light in the darkness,
the warmth in the cold.

Like the light of a risen moon
cascading over the landscape,
you guide our forlorn souls
through to daybreak,
to the knowledge of You,
to Your plans for me.

beautiful photo found here

There the sun is shining,
the sky cloudless,
and we are enveloped in warmth,
completely and utterly satisfied
in the rays
of Your all consuming
Presence.

Pause

I recently decided to press myself and try out the cycling machine at the gym.  On an interval setting, progress was good, but I must admit that at the highest resistance level in the program I struggled to push through.  I hadn't quit, real effort was still happening, but movement was so labored and slow that the machine suddenly flashed at me.

PAUSE

As I continued to press against the resistance, every muscle screaming and my mind racing, trying to adjust and re-adjust my motions so that I could better conquer the resistance, the machine flashed again.

PAUSE

I wanted to scream at it.  I'm trying here! I haven't stopped moving! I'm exerting every ounce of strength!  Yet again, the machine flashed at me.

PAUSE

I didn't give up.  It didn't occur to me to stop. I kept trying.  I kept moving.  Slow and somewhat steady, but never stopping.

Worst of all I realized that though I was still pedaling through those pause notices, the machine wasn't registering time in those pauses...

WHAT?!!!

My efforts weren't even registering?  I wasn't getting credit for them?!  My 30 minute program took me 40 minutes.  10 minutes of strain and real and difficult effort, and a bit of agony, were no where on the record!

PAUSE!!!!

When you're in a "pause" in life, it can feel like there's no progress.  There seems to be no accounting for all the change, work, deconstructing and reconstructing going on in that pause.  Does anyone know or understand the real energy and effort or progress that is happening in my transition?

Strides and obstacles overcome, and there's no audience.   Momentous milestones achieved, and no one is documenting it, cheering you on or consoling you when it doesn't quite go on as you would have hoped.  Transitions can be a lonely, highly interior journey.

And yet, we must acknowledge that the greatest reconstruction and strength building, the greatest improvements and the most important part of the 'working out' is taking place in those pauses.

The quiet moments, the lonely moments, the difficult and most spiritually strenuous moments are where God is truly molding and forming our spiritual muscles.  Its where the most significant growth is taking place, and it takes time.  Time that none of us can estimate, that can't be measured or calculated until its done.

Thank God for the Pause.

Philippians 3:12-14  don’t mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection. But I press on to possess that perfection for which Christ Jesus first possessed me. No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it,but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.

The truth about transitions

Transitions sound glamorous, exciting, and adventurous. They mark the end of a season, and signal the start of something new. Transitions are often periods of great revelation, renewing and restoration.

But a transition at its foundation is also a time of deep renovation. Its when something new is built on something that once served sometimes an entirely different purpose. To that end, a transition can be a painstaking process.

It would be easier to start with a clean slate, an empty lot or untouched piece of land. Transitioning a building, a person, a place from what was to what will be is a labor of love, the project littered with challenges, delays and unanticipated detours.

Yet God's plans are weaved into existing structures - people.

Me.

You.

He is the architect and is intimately familiar with the original blueprint. His eye sees past the damaged parts to the potential at the core of His creation. He sees us as we truly are and as we were created to be.

Constructed not only for function, but to be the foundation of a beautiful masterpiece that would unfold over time with glorious and awe-inspiring expansions, each historical structure is priceless in the Master's eyes. And although time, pollution and storms have dulled the exterior; and although the interior has suffered exhausting wear and deep tears, He sees the value in its incomparable antiquing process. The great artist can appreciate the beauty in every scar and every flaw.

With loving hands He goes about the delicate process of restoration. With a firm and steady hand, critical eye and merciful patience, He carefully wipes away the grime. Pulling away the layers of damaged parts, analyzing each crack and every broken part, He approves the structural integrity.

All this is happening for our good in times of transition, while we wait. Impatiently we want to go about the next leg of our journey. We fidget and sigh like little children, asking 'Are we there yet?, Can we go now?' We toss and pull away from Him, anxious.

Yet for our good He pulls us close again and again as He continues His good work in us. Recalibrating, adjusting, pressing, dismantling once again until He is certain that we are ready for the next stage of His plan.

"He refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake." Psalm 23:3

My Resolution is You

"Life is like a ten-speed bicycle.  Most of us have gears we never use." - Charles Schulz

Have you made your resolutions?  Written down your lists?  Are you planning on losing weight? Or reading more?  Do you want to finally take that vacation?  Or step out in faith in a new career or area of ministry?

I think we all have this quiet fear that we will live our lives and never accomplish those things on our bucket lists.  Even if you don't have them written somewhere - you know what they are.  Maybe each New Year's you think about them.  Are they the same from year to year? Are you afraid you might not ever tap all the gears God has designed within you?

I have to admit, these fears do threaten to push me into a melancholy mood if I don't purposefully push back.  Fear is a bully.

I don't necessarily want to jump to top gear.  It's not about the destination, but the journey.  What I want to experience is the fullness that each gear has to offer.  To feel, see, hear, taste and savor life at gears that were tailor designed, created in me, to live out and to share with the world.

Like a buried treasure, or unopened gift on a shelf, it would be a terrible shame to let dust accumulate, and leave it forgotten, denying the joy and light that is waiting to emerge.

I'm starting this year so differently than past years.  I'm not obsessed with plans or aspirations for the year.  I don't know for sure if that qualifies as enlightened or just lazy.

I'd like to think I am finally entering a season of trust.  Resting in the assurance that I can find peace and fulfillment in God, leaning against my heavenly father in peaceful submission to His plans and purposes for my life and His timetable.

What do I want this year?  To be able to seek Him continuously and breath in his Presence.  No other thing or plan or accomplishment matters.  With eyes closed and mind focused on God alone, I have more clarity and find the stillness, greatness and beauty my soul longs for each day. Confident that when I open my eyes, I will see that His paths have been prepared and laid out before me.

How brilliant, how beautiful, how easy are your ways Lord.  Daily I will embrace them.  You. That is my resolution this year.



"I will come to you and fulfill my good promise to bring you back to this place. For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.  You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.  I will be found by you,” declares the LORD."  Jeremiah 29:10-14

A Perfect Instrument

Lord let me be thy perfect instrument.
pure and strong, unblemished, prepared,
so that your Holy Spirit
may breath life into the hollows of my soul
and my life song can ring true.

May the melody that resounds,
be pleasing to thine ear
and tell the story you wish to tell
to all those who would hear.

Listen to the sweet sound,
hear the beauty of each delicate note,
as it calls you to its Maker,
the great and glorious Musician.

Cleanse me.
Warm the deepest fibers of my being,
that I may never be idle
or far from you merciful hands.

I am Yours and Yours Alone.

Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Psalm 51:10

Dream the impossible dream

“Sometimes we have the dream but we are not ourselves ready for the dream. We have to grow to meet it.” ~ Louis L’Amour

Has God given you a vision so grand, a dream so dreamy, a hope so lofty that before you even attempt it you're overwhelmed by it?  Measuring all of your weaknesses and short-comings, lack of talent, credentials and abilities against it, do you squelch the flames of expectations and glimmers of fulfillment with buckets of doubt and fear?

So often I see a goal and am eager to conquer it, to jump in head first only to find the water is shallow?!  I bump my head against the water floor and coming up with a smarting headache, I think to myself , "It's too much!  I can't do it!",  when what I really need to do is to ease into the water, one step at a time, submerging myself an inch at a time.

See God didn't give you a dream that you were going to fail at.  He's not that kind of God.  In his immeasurable love and generosity, he has given us glimpses of what He can accomplish through us if we let him.  That doesn't mean that we jump on board, knocking Him out of the driver's seat and take the reigns!  And yet that is what we assume.  That He wants us to figure out how to get to that destination, all on our own, without a road map and little help from Him.

Not true!  Our loving Father wants nothing of the sort.  His heart's desire is YOU!  To spend time with you, journey with you, to bless you, to be weaved and intertwined in every aspect of your life, and to see you fulfill the purpose He intended for you.

That dream you dream was authored by God almighty.  Ingrained in your DNA when you were in your mother's womb and stamped with heavenly approval before you breathed your first breath! 

Approved.

Approved!

You don't need to await God's okay on the matter, you don't need to pray that it happen one day.  From the day He first thought you into creation, your life's purpose, your deepest rooted desire for His Kingdom and glory, the vision that you desire to see realized, was sanctioned and blessed.

So why are you hesitating?  Grab tight to the hand of God and walk with Him.  Let him take the reigns, so that He can complete through you His grand plan for this generation.


To him who loves us and has freed us from our sins by his blood, and has made us to be a kingdom and priests to serve his God and Father—to him be glory and power for ever and ever! Amen. Revelation 1:5-6

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.12 Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. Jeremiah 29:11-13

Before I formed you in the womb I knewt you, before you were born I set you apart  Jeremiah 1:5

Murmuration

Murmuration from Sophie Windsor Clive on Vimeo.

There is beauty in organic movement, when bodies move in harmony for a common purpose, toward a common cause.  When we work in unison, our efforts become a graceful waltz, a delicate movement of an orchestal masterpiece.

When we move to the tune of our Maker, and in harmony with our counterparts, our service becomes a breathtaking sight to behold.    The process itself so beautiful, that it vibrates deep within and no words can articulate the joy that rises.

Handiwork

There is nothing that inspires me more than God's own creation.
The rich blue of a clear sky on crisp and cool autumn morning
The audacious display of a flaming red bush.
The pure and majestic white of a snow capped mountain.
The lush green thatch of grass carpeting a meadow.
The warm, embracing glow that bathes a harbor as the sun sets.

Beautiful is your handiwork, O God.
It holds me breathless.
It soothes and comforts me.
It brings me joy and hope.
It helps me to understand how good you are and how much you love us.

It inspires me to know that your plans for me, your most cherished of creation, are greater and more awe-inspiring than I dare to imagine.

Time

" Every morning we're credited with 86,400 seconds and every night we lose all that wasn't invested in good purposes" - Unknown

Time is flying! Again the time that has passed since my last post, is too long! My desire is to keep up this little blog, it's therapeutic for me and such an asset to be able to go back and see where I've been, how I've changed, grown or regressed!

The littles are growing so fast. I realize, as most parents do, that I have failed to chronicle my 3rd child's adventures, and he has many!

But mostly I've come to realize through past 'bouts of regret, anxiety, and the bermuda triangle of "what if's", that each day is a new day, an opportunity to do it better, to get it right. I've come to the peace of the knowledge that each day is immensively valuable in its own right.

Having been consumed for so long with the destination, I thank God that he has brought me to the place where I am enjoying the journey. That's not to say that I don't still glance out on my calendar. I am a Martha by nature. I am a planner, and now with the children, well I even have evolved into a color coded calendar mom. See how control and tasks are so important to me?

But God has blessed me with the awareness of his Grace. So beautiful. So loving. And through this awareness I am blessed with a deeper understanding and fuller relationship with him. In this place my mind is at peace, my heart is content and open to love and invest in others, in particular my family and church.

I am able to serve, care, accept and love others, because I myself am confident in these things with my God. Abiding in Him, time just seems to move slower, is richer, and its value even greater and precious to savor.

Its a new day

It is a new day. A new decade. Alll things old are passed. There is hope on the horizon. It's breathtaking. A fresh start. Shaking off the dust of regret and disappointment, frustration and dissatisfaction - I look with anticipation to the adventure that's ahead.

The sun is shining - its frigid outside - but the sky is blue, and the wind is still. Peace.

Believing for what is to come, through we don't yet see it. Claiming a vision for a victorious future, focusing, fasting and going forward. God's divinity and providence, be our guide. He has directed us all this time. Making our paths straight when we're distracted by detours, he has never failed us, and never will.

All things have been made new again. I am amazed.

Letting Go

Its over. Done.

Well not quite, but the door has definitely shut behind us as we move on to something new. And that puts a feeling of permenance on the entire situation. Funny, but we did not realize that we were the ones that would first be in transition. Poetic justice or something like it - I haven't decided.

As we let go of the ministry and church we invested 15 years into, we found ourselves reflecting and considering that time in retrospect.

Maybe its too fresh, too new.

Feelings of excitement, sadness, regret - they've all come pouring out. It's all part of the letting go, we know. So many what if's that plagued us for so long. So many if only's that kept us in a place that we knew we needed to walk away from.

Sometimes the best decisions are the hardest to make. Sometimes NOT quitting is quitting.

We'll be okay. We'll be great. But the letting go can be a mucky process. Letting go of frustrations, disappointments, regrets....all those reasons why you knew you had to leave in the first place, they haunt you or is it taunt you?

My humanity and limitations have never been more apparent. Thank God he loves me anyway. Thank God he's not through with me.

Looking forward to the adventures ahead. But meanwhile, I work on letting go.

Change and Enjoy

Is there anything more exciting than change? Nervousness and anxiety, butterflies and goosebumps turned good. The sun is brighter today, the flowers more gorgeous.

The beginning is where you start. The point at which you said go, commence, move, step! There is no right way or wrong way. As much as this slave to checklists and methods would like a manual or recipe for success, there really is none - and strangely that's freeing. Their is no burden to sling on and carry. There are no measures, but the ones I chose to set on myself. It is what it is.

Each time, each place, each purpose, each person is completely and wonderfully different from the other. That's the scary part. That's the best part.

That's what I'm counting on.

No more delays. No more count downs. Just jump in.


And dance :)

Somethin from Nothin

Give God your all. …Give him those things that you judge as not good enough. Hand over those areas of your life that appear to be too broken to be used. Let Him sift and sort things through. You'll be amazed at what the Master Creator can make… ~ Katherine Walden

Heard this quote on my drive to work today, it completely sums up the last few months for me.

From health concerns, economic difficulties, church admin worries and not to mention working at a non profit that depends on the generosity of its donors, who are struggling themselves....well things just seem broken.

But how great is God that he steps in when we need him most. Like a father watching his baby taking wobbly steps, trying to figure out how to manage, right when he's about to topple over - there HE is. He's there, always there, but yet we're surprised each time.

There's a lot to be sifted and sorted these days....turn it over to God, let's see what he makes of it.

In The Wilderness

It was Joyce Meyer's frankness and gruffness that at first put me off. But perhaps its actually because she often hits the nail on the head. Something I've grown to appreciate and look forward to.

I enjoy listening to her testimony. It often really seems to be a recounting of my own. A blessing really, to have visual living proof that if I preservere, and endure the longsuffering, that there is hope that I can find and become the person God intended for me to be.

Three points today that really hit home:

1. Lacking friendship. I am not a people person. I am not a person who has cultivated friendships. Partly because I'm introverted - I enjoy people, but need extra long periods of refueling and personal quiet time after much interaction. Sometimes I regret this fact, and it wouldn't seem that this is a characteristic of a person involved with ministry - nevertheless, it's true. What I've never stopped to consider, is perhaps God has not given me many or varying friendships because I really need to cultivate my relationship with him first. Before he will bless me with those strong, steady, always there friends that I long for, God wants me to know and learn to depend on him. I just read somewhere that we should learn that we shouldn't expect friendships/relationships/marraiges to fill the needs and desires within us that only Jesus can fill. Once we learn that, we're much more useful to others and to ourselves.
2. Longsuffering is Lo-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-ngsu-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-ffering. So just like the Isrealites, God's chosen people, wandered in the desert for 40 years before they reached the promiseland - why do I wander through this wilderness of my life asking, "When, God, when will I arrive?" 3 years or 5 years is just a start.
3. If you really desire that sweet spot God has designed for each and everyone one of us, we have to desire it. When my husband and I were dating, he would tell me he loved me, to which I would always respond - prove it. We need to prove that we desire the higher blessing and privileges God would have us achieve. These higher blessings cost personal committment to better ourselves and to commune with God. I know I'm guilty of often falling short.

It's not as if I dont' know these things already, but sometimes you need someone to say it, remind you and tell it like it is to help you stay (or get back) on track and give your soul's battery a jump to continue the journey with hope.

Flash

Thursday we had another storm. This one icier and, well - scarier.

After picking up the Girlies, I found that my windshield wipers weren't working like they should, so I hopped out of the van to fiddle with them. The flakes the were falling were huge, and there was ice falling as well. Visibility was low.

So now that I've set it up, when I did, suddently there was a series of 3 flashes. It was so bright, I was blinded for a second and really confused. And it was followed a few seconds later by the scariest, longest rumble of thunder.

Needless to say, I achieved new speeds as I quickly hopped back into my van. It was an eerie drive home.

Lightning in a snow storm. I've lived in Wisconsin my whole life, and this was a first for me in my memory. It must have been the way the light bounced off of the flakes, but it was also the brightest I'd ever seen.

In hindsight, it was pretty awesome.

Flower so Rare

Ms D published this recently - I had to repeat here - love it!

I wandered through my garden
on a lovely summers day
gazing at the beauty
of the flowers in full array.

The snapdragon so colorful
the poppy red and bold
I reached to touch the sunflower
with her petals of yellow gold.

In the garden I saw the lily,
so white and ever pure
the marigold so hardy
and the petunias galore.

Yet by the garden wall
there stood, my lovely velvet rose
Her beauty more magnificent
than any that I chose.
Her colors were so delicate
her scent a pure delight

I never saw the thorns she bore
too late, I felt the bite.
I jumped back for a moment
I couldn't understand why
a flower so soft and lovely
could hurt, and make me cry.

But still her beauty captured me
and once again I tried,
but this time I was careful
not to touch the bitter side.

In the garden of the children
there are beauties everywhere
the delicate and pretty
and the ones with charm so rare.

There are those who will grow stronger
in the pleasant summer sun
there are some that fade and wither
despite love from everyone.

But the rarest of the children
are the ones who bear the thorn
the children who will struggle
from the day that they are born,

But they also bear the beauty
of the soft and gentle rose
their scent is of most bittersweet
and this is the child, I chose.

And reaching out to touch him
I felt his prickle there
but once again I stretched my hand
and found the beauty rare.

In the garden of the children
where they grow so wild and free,
I picked the one who has a price
and found the one for me.

Sally Meyer

Rain falling down

It's raining out.
Slight cold from generous girlies.
Hubby is at a men's retreat.
I *heart* hubby.
It's feeling like Autumn
Favorite song right now: Stand in the Rain by Superchick
Favorite verse today: "Let us not lose heart and grow weary and faint in acting nobly and doing right, for in due time and at the appointed season we shall reap, if we do not loosen and relax our courage and faint." Galatians 6"9
Favorite phrases today: Renew your mind with the truth of God's word. Keep on keeping on.
Rain - refreshing, cleansing, soothing, calming, restorative, replenishing, good reading, snuggling and girly mush movies.
Let it rain.