Thursday, December 16, 2004

Short Term Memory

I like to tease hubby about his short term memory ( which I suspect is actually a very selective memory). He can remember the exact lay out of the neighborhood he lived in when he was 6, the location of the little bakery that had the bread that was just so, but cannot remember to relay messages from his sister to me - ever.

Then I realized how I can block out memories that aren't so distant. They're usually the unpleasant ones.

Like how I always have such trouble finding career clothes (at a price I'm willing to pay) - I'm so picky, and it seems my taste is more expensive than I like to dish out. I spent the evening yesterday trying on about 20 or 30 suit jackets - none of them made the cut. *grrr*

Like how stressed I was when I was the church treasurer, constantly juggling bills and budgets. And how I would have to lock myself in a room (translation: away from hubby and Ms. Toddler = ignoring my family) at least a few times each week for a good number of hours for church bookkeeping, meetings, bank trips, cash counts etc. Not to mention how I always had to take a few days off of my actual paying job so that I could take care of the year end reporting and related donation letters, bank and board meetings, regional and national reports - which was always a challenge seeing as it came right after the holidays when a church is in one of it's busiest times of the year - for contributions and expenditures.

Yes, I had almost forgotten. But hubby kindly reminded me, then asked me if I really wanted to take on another, voluntary, church position that really is a full time job in itself, seeing that I'll be going back to a paying job full time in a few weeks. Uhhh....hmmm. Maybe not.

Oh, I can get excited about the things I could help accomplish, but he's right. Trying to juggle too many balls will just end up with me dropping one of them right on my head and getting a big headache.

And I could take a deep breath and take the plunge anyway....and do a decent job. But in the end, will that really benefit me and my family - or the church? Would doing too much really help me get closer to God, to my family, and would I really be a better person because of it?

Probably not. I'm a conservative, a pessimist, a compulsive worry-wart, and am prone to anxiety - all things that seem to climax when I take on too much and get too stressed and have so much going on, that I can't take some time to get some perspective. These are not episodes that I care to re-live or make my very young family face.

So although my heart says yes, yes, I can do it!, I can do it!, my mind is saying: ARE YOU CRAZY? Why yes I am, a little bit, thank you very much :).

So glad I have my thoughtful, slow to speak hubby who considers all things before making a decision. He tends to survey the entire situation before making a move. I tend to get excited and want to leap into action and usually jump in with both feet. Oh the things I could learn from him, if I only had the patience.

But that's a story for another day. :)

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