Mother's day weekend has been tough for me, for about the last 15 years - since I lost MY mom, and the day became full of self-pity, bitterness and a little bit of anger. When I talk to other women that have lost their momma's I find that they feel the same way - so of course we have to douse those feelings with a bucket of guilt.
So let me say -to all you gray haired ladies with their white haired momma's out at restaurants or shopping, who get this slightly annoyed look from a usually pleasant latina stranger - I'm so sorry. You see - for so long I've been jealous. And honestly, I still may be from time to time. Cause I really haven't been able to grasp why you and your momma were blessed with a longevity of life, that escaped my line of women. And it became almost unbearable when in the next 7 years I lost my dear grandmother and great-grandmother.
You see my matriarchal line was wiped out. A line that I loved deeply, and dearly. A line I relied on for their wisdom, who's love sustained me in this unreliable world.
But God is good, and in his mercy - he gave me hope when he blessed me with a daughter - the 5th in a string of first born daughters. It was his reassurance, and she was my reason to celebrate mother's day again. And then, because he's so generous, he gave me a second.
So in homage to my momma, and grandma - two posts for years ago. And to my beautiful daughters - thank you for making Mother's Day happy again.