Beautiful Sky

Little did she know that when she jumped, uncertain whether her parachute would actually open, that her fall would feel like an eternity.

The initial step took so much courage that she hadn't considered what would come next.  All she could focus on, all she could muster up the energy to do, was to take that first step and trust.

Braced for a possible collision, relieved when her parachute did spread across the sky in a beautiful canopy of shelter, she was content to sail.  Riding the wind, she was amazed at God's faithfulness.

And yet, with the passing time, the magic and wonder of blue skies, grey majestic mountains and green rolling valley's became tedious.  She became preoccupied again by her destination. Settling into the comfort of open sky embracing her was not enough! 

Her weakness was always looking ahead, beyond, past the beauty of the moment.  Constantly taking snapshots of the now, eager to add today to her collection of memories, she fully intended to tuck them away and appreciate them fully one allusive day in the future.  

Sad unfortunate soul, she still did not realize that the snapshot never does capture the true beauty and essence that is the gift of a moment.  A pale replica of the actual experience, it would never be as fantastic as it was before her now.

The pale memories would continue to keep her dissatisfied.  Her life would always be shabby and dull in comparison to the vibrant moments she witnessed in the journey's of the travelers she encountered along the way.

The fall was so long.  Each altitude had new experiences.   Each one unique, equally difficult and challenging and so, ironically, they seemed to be the same.  Soon one experience bled into the next, and though she was changing and growing,  they became to her one continuous string of waiting.

Useless, untapped, forgotten were the words that plagued her thoughts, ever distracted from the marvel and wonder in her situation.  The fall seemed endless, quiet, desolate, hopeless. She became desperate for her destination, for the end to this season.

And yet had she fixed her eyes right before her, had she reflected for a moment on the beauty and potential of her situation, had she clung to the courage and optimism with which she had begun her fall, she would realize that her fall was an embrace.  A slow, gentle breeze that was lovingly nudging her to quiet, stillness, and God's own peace.  She had been given the most graceful and merciful transition, in the security of a God who was sheltering her every moment and had generously given her the necessary time to effectively enter the next, free of worry and anxiety, free of any personal burdens or efforts.

He WAS in control.  He had measured the journey. He was setting the pace.  He controlled the atmosphere and the landscape, every sight and every experience had been planned for her benefit, for her good.  

And upon that realization, she released all her expectations, worries, fears and desires and succumbed to the embrace of the beautiful sky.

Nonversations

I blame fear and anxiety, my usual scapegoats, for the bitter fountain of words that raced across my mind.  Sitting in the the cold, sterile examination room of the ER, the waiting unsettled me.  Disappointed again by the doctor's inability to pinpoint the cause of my pain that afternoon, I turned to God in frustration.

I'm not sure what combination of words flowed that afternoon.  I couldn't tell you what was said or how long this went on.  I can tell you what I didn't do.  I never paused long enough to listen.  I never stopped to consider who it was I was addressing.

Margaret Feinberg calls this "nonversation" in her new book Wonderstruck: Awaken to the Nearness of God, and I am guilty of it.

In the privilege I have of speaking with God as my most intimate friend, I forget that He is the most High God.  Where He graciously cares for the minutiae of life, I mistakenly assume He needs me to regurgitate partially processed, emotional, thoughtless prayers. As if such an offensive offering would move Him.

She presents a question:  How often have I rattled on with God and said nothing at all? It reminded me of another question, out of the Catechism,  "when we pray do we speak from the height of our pride and will, or out of the depths of a humble and contrite heart"?

The point being, are we having one sided conversations with God?  Are we so busy thinking up fancy phrases, complicated formulas, or so self absorbed that we are just plain nonsensical in what ends up being a string of soap box moments, rather than an intimate exchange?

Sometimes God lets me wander into darkness so that he can get my attention.  When there are no answers, when I feel lost and helpless, that is when I finally slow down, reach out and stop to listen.

When I stop prattling on about being afraid, how it's unfair, why I don't deserve any of this,   exhausted and spent, I become a child again sitting in the lap of her heavenly father.  In the sure comfort of his embrace, I am ready and willing to hear his will for my life and see the lessons he has for me. 

As I breathe in His presence, and drink in His Word, I am awakened to the fact that I have a Father that knows my name. He shows me how in every moment, at every turn, He is there.  Then he reveals how all the little pieces of my life, especially the ones that didn't make sense, were all working for my good. 

I stand amazed at His mercy, faithfulness, and love orchestrating every movement in the fugue of my life. Overwhelmed, I relent. 

Less of me, more of you God.

So often, this simple statement of humility, this desperate hungry petition becomes the damn to the plethora of words that want to burst out.

Less of me, more of you God.

That's when I experience His presence so tangibly, so beautifully that I would be happy not to say another word, if I could dwell in that place all the days of my life.


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It was such a privilege to get to read a preview of this new book releasing in December and I cannot wait to add this book to my collection.  As always, Margaret takes us on a journey of self-analysis rich with masterfully painted pictures for her reader's minds.  Pre-order yours today!