Monday, September 11, 2006

Bread I Am

If you've been following my blog at all you'll realize that we've had a little saga going on in our lives. Stay or go. Stay or go. But AH, finally some light! Hope again!

Well we've certainly felt a need to go. We've been frustrated beyond belief. Wanting, YEARNING, for something more. But being the church raisied, bible believing couple that we are, we felt uncertain that wanting and being exasperated with our current situation was .. you know.. very christian-like. I mean, we've always been taught to bear with a situation, see it through, overcome and all that.

And we were disappointed with ourselves, feeling guilty really, that we just couldn't seem to be satisfied, content with our circumstances.

Every word, every prayer, every counsel suggested that we should move on. Reading through Genesis, really hit home: Leave your country, your people and your father's household and go the land I will show you. I will bless you. I will bless those who bless you. You will be a blessing.

Sometimes we misunderstand God. That's okay, 'cause apparently he's quick to correct you when you're wrong, if you're just willing to listen.

See we thought - let's go to another church. We didn't really get that maybe he's been calling us to something more. We didn't see that unperfect us, unexperienced, so much to learn, but so desperate for a great movement of God, could actually be called out - to something altogether on our own.

Inexperienced. I suppose that's an understatement. But you know the old saying - the more you know, the more you realize you need to learn? That's us, completely.

So I posted before that the bishop was coming. He met with us, we layed it all out on the table. Ms. Self-control here, let the flood gates open. The dam broke. Then we waited - what would he say? Would we get scolded like children? Would he be upset that we couldn't keep it together?

A moment of clarity is what transpired. I mean, the words came out at us, and I couldn't help but thinking I knew exactly what he was going to say as he said it. I knew that the answer had been right before us the whole time. God had been holding up huge signs this whole time, with very clear instructions - but we couldn't accept it.

Is it really time for us to go out on our own? Spread our wings and fly? Us? Really??

It then became so clear. Recently I felt like we had been beat down. Deflated. Then it occured to me. We were dough!! Like clay in the potter's hand, God had been fashioning us from the beginning. God had guided, chosen, our parents for the specific ingredients. As they raised us, all those elements were mixed and kneaded until we became adults. And as we entered ministry, we were like dough rising in the bowl. And this past season in our lives had been a time when God had allowed us to be "punched down". It's as if he said to us, Okay now we're getting somewhere - just when we felt like there was nothing else we could do, God said - Good, now I can use you.

And there's hope again. Knowing that God has a purpose for us and that we're still on the right track is unbelievably wonderful. Yes, there's more preparation. No we're not there yet - and coolest - we won't ever (see Philippians 1:6 in my bio). But God has made us a promise, and we are happy to trust him when he says:

“I know the plans I have for you, ..... to give you a future and a hope” Jeremiah 29:1

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