Storms and I have had a fractured relationship.
My grandmother loved storms. When I was a kid and we'd hear a distant rumble, or hear the clouds open and heavy raindrops beat the ground, we'd run outside onto grandma's expanse covered front porch to witness the amazing show.
We'd cheer for the lightning displays, we'd dance when the thunder shook the windows and rumbled under our feet, and when it all wound down to a calm peaceful rhythm, we'd run out onto the sidewalk to wash in wonder in the cool soothing shower.
Since then, my childhood confidence and trust has waned. The safety of each day and the hope of my youth has fallen away. All grown up now with the cares and worries of a home, a family, loss, discouragement and difficulties have changed my perspective.
Now when it storms I find myself worried. I cower. I hardly dare approach any of the windows, afraid of the chaos brewing outside. Fearful of the power of the storm and it's destructive force.
I hide under my covers. I rush to check on my kids. I snuggle into the crook of my husbands shoulder. I've even been known to wake up my sleeping children and take them to the basement covered in their blankets to my own brand of safety.
Where did my awe and appreciation for storms go? When did I start to fear the storm rather than revel in its danger and power?
Last night we had a storm. And as has been my practice these past few years, I jumped up covered in my blanket to check on the kids and consider if we needed to move to safety. Satisfied, I went to cower next to my hubby in bed and found myself asking, why does there have to be storms? To which my husband replied - "Because God wants to show us what he can do" before he turned over and fell back asleep. And I felt the tears silently start to fall.
I love my husbands perspective. His optimism, and ability to see God's hand in even the toughest of times.
Even with our new excitement for the purpose God has in our lives, I have continued to struggle with my health and doubts. Irrationally? Unnecessarily? Perhaps. I've lost my awe and appreciation of the storm. The amazing story that is a difficult time in life. A trial per se, that only tells us the stunning and graceful truth that God is right with us through it all, that he is walking us through it - safely and faithfully.
I can watch the lightning and feel the thunder and the eminent danger that it all may seem, but still know that I will dance in the rain. God's hand is right there through it all, and I don't need to fear. I can trust that he is God, and he can still do the greatest of things - and he will restore me body and soul and this story will be to his glory.